Episode 9 - Cody Got Assaulted by a Chinese Girl

Welcome back to the Handsome Hour, the handsomest hour of your day. I'm here. I'm Cody. I'm here joined by my cohosts.

I'm Code. I'm Wes. You don't even know who you are.

I do. I'm Stoney Gruneau.

And on this episode, I'm gonna be telling the story of a date that I had about six weeks ago or maybe two months ago, which was categorically by far the worst date I've ever had and I think will ever have.

It'll be the worst date that you've ever heard of or ever happened ever.

Yeah. It I I thought he was just exaggerating, but no, it really was a truly awful date.

And I have receipts. I can prove

it's on. We do. The receipts are played. It's audio is there.

There's body cam footage.

You will get to hear my my shockingly bad, legendarily bad date. Stay tuned.

Yeah. The date features a racist Indian Uber driver. It features the police. It's got

all the all the things you want in

a way.

Cody gets kicked. Yeah. So stay tuned. You're gonna love it.

Thank you.

Do you have you seen this? I've been watching a lot of critical reviews of the star Star Wars sequels. I've never seen all of them.

Oh, I like what you sent me. So thank you for that.

What did I send you?

It was a comparison of Anakin being family oriented and Luke being loyalty. I Was said that. A lesson. Sorry.

Yeah. I didn't watch it.

I thought that was good. It was like okay. So in the in the scene where they're doing

We should be recording this.

We are. We are. We're Luke's doing the the trench run on the Death Star.

Then I should stop checking.

He has to turn off the autopilot on his or he turns off the autopilot because he has to learn to trust his senses. And when Anakin is flying in episode one, when Anakin's flying the Naboo starfighter near the the droid mothership, He's like he also turns off the autopilot, but it's because he's turning off autopilot, like, need to use my brain. Because Anakin's problem was that he was too feeling, and he was like he was like just like overrun by his emotions and his emotions controlled him. And Luke's problem was that he couldn't trust his emotions. And so there's like supposed to be like a mirror

Yeah. Very intentional, of course. What is that video is just calling that out?

I don't really remember. I've I've been watching a lot of videos.

So it it did a good job. So I I have issues with some of them because the the plot loses me, but this totally bypassed that, and I appreciated that. And I just looked at it from a pure what is this character's apparent emotional motivations based on what they've said? And they talked about how Luke stayed around with his aunt and uncle out of sense of loyalty, but no love. Whereas Anakin chose to stay with his mom out of love.

Yeah. And it's it kind of dovetails with what we were talking about previously about how sensitive young men like Cody are easily corrupted by evil because they're True. You can be cold and calculating and just like, well, you can be like me,

you know? If anybody would like to corrupt me Yeah. I'm open to some corruption by any evil who's out there. Yeah.

See, I think that I think that I think that if we so I think I'm Han Solo. But in Everyone thinks they're Han Solo. No. But really I'm the emperor.

No is one the emperor.

They're oh, okay. Yeah. Actually, I think yeah.

I'm the emperor.

You are who people

And think you Cody is Darth Vader. Like like, I am I am I am driven by by lust for

So am I Luke or Han Solo?

You are R2D2.

I knew you were gonna come out. I was waiting. I I wanted to set you up for that.

Yeah. I didn't say c three p o.

Thank you.

I named Michael I appreciate that.

G d two is the hero of the whole trilogy.

He's the only one him and c three p are like the main characters. Like, they it's their which I think is sort of beautiful in a way. It's like like like they're they're just bystanders for this entire, like, epic saga.

Right.

And they're they're like sort of the the viewer. You know?

The greatest move was giving r two d two a strong personality, which is incredibly difficult when it only really chirps and moves. Yeah. But it does electrocute the thing that's eating. It does it does so many actually, no, it does more than that. Yeah.

Yeah, R2's the hero. He solves everything. He's only stopped the trash compactor, and like they're constantly R2's the one who like

solves He shoots the the lightsaber to Luke.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. R2's the actual hero of the whole series.

He's action oriented. Very Fearless.

Get shit done.

Well, one of the things they did in in the la one of the things that that is criticized in, like, the sequel trilogy is, you know, Rey, the Mary Sue character, who's just the best Jedi ever for no reason at all, meets Han Solo, and then Han Solo dies. And then Leia comes and, like, gives her this big consoling hug, but in doing so walks right past Chewbacca, who was, like, Han's partner for decades. Right? And, like, complete like, who he's probably in ruins. Right?

Because Han is dead. He has no purpose to live anymore. But, like, that's a criticism of, like, the writing of the movie is that, like, she's, like, consoling this new character who just met Han instead of this established character who's been Han's sidekick for generations.

Right. That's retarded. Yeah. I saw that. I went to my friends and I waited outside the theater to see episode seven when it came out, and I was ashen afterwards.

I I was just like, that movie, I walked out afterwards going, that was the worst thing I've ever seen. This ruined everything. And like, that was the moment that it really set in for me that like, oh, modernity, we live in a fallen age. Yeah. Like, this is a fallen time.

This is I love the prequels. I I really You do. I always

loved the prequels and thought that they were awesome.

I agree.

I went to I went to The Force Awakens with with my, like, then stepbrother and, like, a bunch of his friends from Ohio who I didn't know that well. And we all got in the car afterwards, and I was, like, ready to be like, that movie sucked. And they were all, that was awesome. That was I'm like, fuck me. Yeah.

No. Because fuck like, prequels have flaws, but fundamentally, like, they still feel like Star Wars. They're clearly still from

I see

what saying.

It was like a mediocre photocopy. It didn't deliver, but the spirit of what it was trying to accomplish was.

Well, I think they did deliver. The way I articulate it is they just like, it's like, I don't know, it's like a, you know, a shitty cake made with love from your girlfriend or something.

That's kind of what I'm that's kind of okay. I thought it was exactly what I said, but yeah.

Yeah. Sure. Maybe whatever. Yeah. So maybe we're saying the same thing.

Yeah. But it's like it's like it's flawed, no doubt. But when I wanna watch Star Wars

What they were aspiring to do was perhaps what you wanted them to aspire to do, whether or not you felt they delivered.

And I think they succeeded

They had character development.

They were streaky. It's like they succeeded on some fronts and failed on others. So it's like it's not it's not like they weren't an across the I board

avoided episode seven and up, and I just said, no. I did see the awful one where Luke drank the green milk. I don't know what that was.

That was horrible. That was nine, I think. But No, it was eight.

But what do you mean? Because I think I agree with you, but I really want to hear you flesh it out when you talked about we are living in the modernity. And I think you also are implying this is a word I've only heard in the last year, but boy, does it fit. The end shitification, as in making everything worse. Which even though it doesn't have to be.

Yeah. Is that what you're talking about? So talk about the modernity aspect.

Yeah, mean, was kind of joking, but it's like, yeah, I think it's true. It's like it's symptomatic symptomatic clearly of like this larger thing that's happening that people call it certification, which, you know, some people attribute it to late stage capitalism, or you can name the invisible force sort of behind it however you want. But clearly there is some coming together of forces in modernity that sort of forces everything to sort of the quality of things are going down, the quality of media is certainly declining, and specifically along certain dimensions that at least I, and I think a lot of people really care about, which is like, you know, there's this lack of authenticity, things feel fake. So it's like, there's tons of movies, and the production quality is higher than ever. Right?

It's like they they are they're glossy and beautiful, and and the cinematography is incredible, and yet there's some kind of heart that's missing. There's some kind of soul that's missing. Right?

It's like they couldn't they had a blank slate to write a new story in the Star Wars universe. And it's it's you know, there's it's you know, they've written all these books and things, and I haven't read those books. But at least there's, like there's so much source material to pull from as far as things stories you could tell in that universe, and it's a universe that I find very compelling, and that's, I think, why I'm disappointed by them. But they they chose not to do that. And instead, they chose to do, like, a basically a remake of A New Hope where they pulled in all of these own old characters.

And not only did they just like like, would be one thing to do fan service and pull in old characters, but what they did was they they actually destroyed the character arcs that had been established for those new characters. Like, Han Solo had, like, overcome being, like, basically a greedy pirate who was only out for himself and, like, discovered how to love and how to care for a a mission and a cause larger than himself. And then they bring him back in episode seven, and he's just, a down and out pirate again. Like, he never like, he never gained anything from, you know, all we've learned and, you know, grown to love about Han Solo. It's like the first rule

of storytelling is that you cannot go backwards.

Right. And like, his son is a Sith Lord for some reason. Like, that doesn't make any sense. Why is he Han Solo's son? It's just because they're like, oh, well, in Star Wars, everybody is someone else's son.

Like, it's stupid. Yeah. And then they're like, Luke is, like, disillusioned, and he's like, he doesn't wanna be a Jedi, and he doesn't believe in justice, and he's like, going to kill Kylo Ren in his sleep, which is, like like, the whole thing with Luke was, like, he was able to see the good in his own father who was a genocidal maniac and, like, able to yield to him and say, no. I won't fight you because I see the love in you. See the good in you.

And then they reintroduce Luke as this character who's, like, cynical and can't see the good in anything.

Right.

And it just doesn't make any sense. It's like, it would be one thing to do, like, fan service callbacks and it's like, look, guys, Luke Skywalker, you like him. Right? But, like, you can do that without ruining the character. But I would have preferred just a new story.

Like

It's like it's like it's like it's cynical and inept. Like, it's even like a worse thing, though. Because it's like it's like more than just being sexist. Cynical would just be like the callbacks or something. Cynical and in net would be callbacks done poorly.

It's like almost some other level of fucked up, where it's like it's almost like it's high this is almost, I don't it's almost like conspiratorial, but it's like it's almost like they're trying to make it like No. I know exactly. Nihilistic. It's like worse

than cynical.

It's like, let me actively destroy the very idea let me attack the very idea that you should construct meaning from story or something. It's like

Well, they do identity politics in it too. It's like Star Wars is always a little bit political. I think especially the prequels. Like, there is like, obviously, it's like a political drama, but you don't feel like they're trying to tell you something moralistic about, like, current politics or current events or something. But then there in one of the new movies, they all blend together.

They're all so bad, but there's one of them where, like, one of the women that she, like, makes a call and one of the men disagrees with her and she's like, oh, what? You don't believe in me because I'm a woman? And it's very, like that's even, like, outdated today. Like, when you when you go back and watch it, it feels like that's very 2017 politics. And it's like, that's not like, Star Wars isn't supposed to be about what it's a fantasy universe.

It's supposed to be, like like, you know, like like Leia's character, like, wasn't defined by her being a woman. Right? But, like, they did they clearly, like, introduced this Finn character, and, like, the whole point is that he's, a black defecting stormtrooper. But he does all these things that don't make sense. It's like if like, he's he's he's a stormtrooper, and he doesn't want to be a stormtrooper because he doesn't want to, like, be killing people and being evil.

And then he escapes from the ship, but in the process kills a bunch of, like, stormtroopers who are, like, presumably in his unit. And so it's like, even if you were defecting even if you were, like, a US army soldier, like, doing something and you're, like, a conscientious defector or what is it? Conscientious defector? I don't remember. But Conscientious objector.

Conscientious objector. That's it. Like, you wouldn't turn around and immediately killing start killing the fucking guys in your platoon. You know? And it just is like, well, we're never going to examine that, are we?

Right?

No. No.

Yeah. No. It's what is it? I that that I got the term wrong too. It's a conscientious

Objector. Conscientious Objector.

Is that right?

Muhammad, I think

Muhammad?

No. Who was Muhammad Ali, I think, a conscientious objector. I remember that correctly.

Yeah.

Hit me up with your your zen, please.

He became cash he wait. He was Cassius Clay and then he became Muhammad Ali?

I think so. But I think, if I remember correctly, he was a conscientious objector, but I could be wrong.

Alright. Let's talk about dating. We are a dating podcast.

Yeah. Dating and Star Wars as far as I can tell. It's like Yeah.

Cody went on a really bad date recently.

I did. It was the worst date of my life. I have to imagine Congratulations. Yeah. Thank you.

And I can say that pretty confidently, I think I will die and that will have been the worst date ever. That seems very likely. It seems like it'd be very hard to top it. It was shockingly, comically bad. So how should we do this?

Guess I'll just I'll just start to tell, and you guys jump in, if if you have questions or commentary. So this was just a girl I matched with on Bubble. It was like nothing to be, nothing particular to be commented on there. It's like everything went normally. We set up a time, we met at this restaurant.

Was she Chinese?

She was. Okay. That may be relevant later. Thanks thanks, Wes. We'll set that up.

Take us back to the beginning, where how'd you meet?

Yeah. Where did we meet? Something went a little bit wrong with the meeting. I can't remember exactly what we met, like it was like the restaurant was closed. No, it wasn't because it wasn't like my mistake.

I planned this for us, but like, something whatever. So we had I can't remember exactly what it was. We had to walk. So like we met at this place, and then we ended up walking down the street for a while to find a different restaurant. We had a Audible.

So we went to a different it was fine. We found a different place, we just had this restaurant, and pretty quickly I could tell that like, they just wasn't feeling it, right? She wasn't like, had as far as I I don't wanna like shit on her. Should I shit on her? No.

Whatever. She was horrible. She was the worst restaurant I've met in my entire life. No, she wasn't in some dimension she was.

That's okay. That's an objective statement.

Yeah. Yeah. No, like, okay, look, whatever. There was no chemistry, right? And she wasn't like, I didn't find her funny, like I was trying to like joke with her, she had like no ability to like riff or banter or joke.

She just like wanted to talk like, like complain about her job the whole time, and she was like really boring. It's fine. It's not a big deal. It's just not my person. And just like, you know, I whatever, I was like engaged, I asked her follow-up questions, we had a nice conversation for like an hour and a half or whatever, and I was like, know what, let's just go and call it a night, like it's getting kinda late and I have an early bedtime, and I did, like that's not even a lie, like I would end any date around that time, and so I was like, okay, let's let's let's wrap it up, and we were going outside, and she was like, I you know what?

And she started like, I don't know, like, she like, she asked me like a question or something, I can't remember what she said, but I ended up like trying to be honest with her, I was like, yeah, know, honestly, like, she pulled it out of me, you know, she asked some question, and she's like, you're ending things kinda early or something like that. And I was like, yeah, know, to be totally honest, I just feel like we have ton of chemistry. And that's when things started going off the rails. She was like specifically trying to get me to say that I felt that way. And like I I feel like I did feel like she was boring, but I felt like I did a good job on that date, like whatever.

This is just my perspective. I'm sure she would have a different one. But meaning like I was engaged, I asked her questions, I listened, right? Like I wasn't like checked out or anything like that. But then I was like I was like I was like, yeah, alright, you know what, if you're gonna like directly call me, like if you're gonna directly ask me, like, yeah, you were kinda ranting about your job the whole time, and then she fucking lost.

So I used that word rant, and I can't remember exactly what I said, but it was something along those lines. Was like, yeah, you were kinda rant, like, if you wanna know, if you're directly gonna ask me for feedback, like, yeah, you were kinda ranting the whole time, and like, I didn't find a particular I kept trying to direct the conversation to things I thought were really interesting, and you didn't wanna talk about those, you just wanted rant about your job. Fine. I just didn't wanna talk about that. She lost it.

Not a little bit. She started screaming at me on the sidewalk, top of her lungs. I mean, and I could not get a word in edgewise. Like, and this went on for like five, ten, fifteen minutes, and I'm like, okay. I tried to walk away.

She followed me down the street. I couldn't get away from her. She's this little this little Asian girl is screaming in my face. So I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna leave. I get a Uber.

I'm like, I'm gonna call Uber. The Uber shows up. She's still screaming at me. It's going on for a long time. Like, I'm impressed at her ability to just like keep going.

Was she a vocalist? I mean, that's some good lungs. Don't know. Her job was not singing or something like that.

Well, maybe she was a professional, like, arduer. Maybe she's a professional yeller. Maybe she maybe she maybe she gets mad at people.

I don't know why you wouldn't want this woman in your life.

I know, right?

I mean, I would I would want a woman who screams nonstop at me for using the wrong word. That would be the first thing I look for in a woman.

The Uber shows up. I go, okay, bye. I go I open I open the door of the Uber, She darts around me like a like a like a little fucking feral fucking rabbit or something, jumps in the Uber before me and and goes go go. I get in like going like and at this point, I'm like, my god, and that's the moment of course I realize like, oh, she's actually crazy. I get in the Uber, and she starts telling the driver I'm like, because here's my problem.

Okay? This is my problem. I have this thing. I've always had it. I have like a reaction formation, where when somebody's getting upset, it'll make me laugh.

Like, I just find it I just can't help myself. I just find it like funny.

You do do that.

You do do that. So I just just can't help it. This used to be a problem when was a kid, because my sister, who's four years younger than me, would like get upset at something like whatever, and she would start hitting me, and I would I would find it funny, I would just start laughing, and that would make her angrier, then I would laugh harder, and then she would get angrier, and I would get like caught in a loop where I couldn't get out of it. And that's kind of what it reminded me of.

We all want to know why you got in the Uber after she got in.

This all happened quite fast. It was

his Uber.

It was my Uber.

At that moment, there was a bomb in the Uber. There was a

And she was on his way

to you his apartment. Do make a good point, because part of the problem is this was a while ago, I'm misremembering little parts of it slightly, and it's sort of coming back to me. She didn't say go, go. That I misremembered, because she did say something right when we got

Follow that car.

She did so I got because it all happened really fast, know, so I was like, she darted in, I was like already mid stride. I was getting, you know, so I was like and also, it was a matter of principle. This is my fucking Uber.

No, no, I agree, but everything you're saying about her, you know, good lungs, persistence, nimble, agile That she

is. High conscious.

She's like acrobat singer.

Yeah, yeah. You know what? We're actually gonna do a lottery. Anybody listening, I'll give out her number to one lucky winner. So we get in.

This is actually what she said, because I remember she said something right when we got in, but I couldn't remember what it was. No, this is what it was. She goes, she tells the Uber because I'm like, what are you doing? Like, get this in my Uber, and she goes she immediately tells the Uber driver, she'll go, Uber driver, oh, he's just joking. This is my boyfriend.

Some African man. So she starts the Uber driver was like, yeah, I don't know. He was also like foreign, but not Chinese. I don't know what it is. And oh, was Indian.

And so she starts immediately like lying, like creating this story for the Uber driver. I'm trying to tell her, so she's going oh, he's my boyfriend. He just jokes like that. Like, don't worry. You can go.

And so she's trying to follow me, because I think she wants to find out where I live so she can burn my house down or something. I don't know.

She doesn't seem boring at all. She seems very excited. Very cool.

Can I just tell you

This story

is it turned on a dime?

She was pretty too. Cody took a video.

She's pretty hot. I have video of all this. So that's where

That was a good move because when the police show up with crazy woman.

Yeah. Cody has body cam footage.

Yeah. So that's where this is going. So, and I'm like, no, and I'm trying to tell the Uber driver, I just met this girl.

Were you recording at that moment?

Not yet. Not quite yet. I'm like, I just met this girl, like, she needs to get out. I called Uber, and she's like, don't listen to him. He's my boyfriend.

He just makes jokes like this. And so it takes me, like, a solid few minutes to convince the Uber driver that, like, no, actually, something crazy is happening right here, and she's lying. And I'm like, have to tell him, like, I'm Cody. I called Uber. Look on your phone.

It says Cody. She should not be here. And so eventually, he realizes that I'm telling the truth, and he's like, okay, you need to get out of the Uber. Like, this is his Uber. And now she pivots, and she starts saying, he tried to rape me.

He hit me. He was beating me earlier. And that's when I realized like, holy fuck. And she gets out her phone and starts calling the cops.

Did you do that?

Well, of course. What am I gonna do? Not beat this girl? I mean, she's clearly obnoxious and had it coming.

Okay. For the listeners though, he did not.

That's what we call a joke.

This will be used in evidence against you.

Right. Yeah, no. I did not did not lay a finger on this girl, okay? And she laid a finger on me. And I have video proof of this, so that's the moment where I was like, oh, I'm in danger.

And I got my phone out, and I started recording her. And I recorded everything after that. And I have it, I'll show you. I showed Wes. So she calls the cops, she gets the cops, and she tells the cops that.

She the cops, I'm in the Uber with this guy, he tried to attack me, he hit me, please just come, you need to come and take him out of the Uber. So and this whole time now, the Uber driver's getting incensed. He's like, I need to go. Like, I can't have this be my whole night. Like, you need to get out.

So he's getting mad. He's yelling at her. She's trying to I turn the light on, so that I can film her better, so I can get evidence of this. And she jumps on me and attacks me and tries to rip the phone out of my hands, and I had to get up like this and put my foot to protect myself, and I got all that on camera. This goes on for a long time.

Okay? Listen, we were in that Uber for like, I wanna say at least thirty

minutes. Was it moving or not moving?

No, we were parked on the side of

the road.

Could you Uber raiding? Could you not have just gotten out of the Uber? And then actually said to the Uber driver, oh, but then she would have gone to your home.

Well, a, I figured she'd probably get out and follow me, like she did the whole time we were walking. I was trying to get away from her earlier. And b, it's a I'm not giving up my fucking Uber. This is my goddamn Uber. I'm not gonna seed to some little fucking Chinese girl.

That would

have appeared weak to her.

That was her shit test.

She would have fuck her.

At the end of all of this. Yeah, so we have our fourth date next week.

She sounds really interesting. I don't know why you thought she The was cops

did come. Wow. The cops did come.

But Hoover was moving. Did he eventually pull over?

No, no. We were parked this whole time. The cops came. She tries to give them their story. They come over, and I did have to use the footage.

Good fucking thing I recorded that. Showed them the footage, and then they were like, alright, have a good night, sir. And then I got to leave. That was not the end. So I get home, and I get four separate messages from her.

Long rants. Many paragraphs. One from, of course, from her number, which then I immediately block. Then another one from a different cell phone number. Then another one, then she found my Instagram and she sent me a message on Instagram and commented on one of my old photos on Instagram.

So I had to just like I spent all night like blocking to all these different accounts. Hopefully, that's the end of

the story. What's her occupation? I bet she'd be good at a lot of different jobs.

Yeah. What does she do?

Does she work? We don't go into detail of where she works, but what what was her occupation broadly speaking?

Yeah, yeah. That was I mean, that was the first thing that attracted me to her is on Bumble profile, said, you know, I call the cops on people for real. I mean, professional extortionist. I'm the Tinder swindler. No, she she works in tech.

She she does marketing.

Marketing. Not very good at self marketing.

No. No. So so yeah, it was it was astonishing. I have never had that hat, obviously. Like I've never had I've never been in a situation even remotely close to that.

It was it was wild. So, like, what do you

And that's the story.

Let's let's deconstruct this. Let's let's go let's take this a level deeper. What do you think her problem is?

I I think I'm gonna use the scientific term, she was batshit crazy.

She just hasn't found her person yet, Wes, you know? She's she's just gotta

find the crazy thing that matches her crazy.

Wes, if you can't handle her at her worst, then you don't deserve her at her best.

Well, you don't deserve her at her best, clearly. Also

I could

have been her best.

That was her special skill. If you're if you're a Chinese girl in marketing, you can hit up Stoney Gruno. His address is Please,

he lives in Williamsburg. His We set up a special line for this. Call the line at the bottom of

your screen.

We record every Sunday if you wanna come if you wanna we should honestly have her on the pod.

We should. Oh, my God.

That would be

With security guards, probably.

I was going to say we would need a police officer, and I would not do that anywhere that we could be traced back to our You know, in my experience, the less you deal with crazy people, the better. Yes. That's It's a good skill to have to spot crazy people and then to avoid them. If you get too good at that, you don't know how to handle them, which is a different problem. But but just start with avoiding.

That's

right. Identify and avoid.

That's right.

I don't know. But are you because you're a little bit crazy. You you not you specifically, but like all I'm saying is that like, in my inner circle, I'm well known as being like, you know, not the most like stable guy ever. That's okay. But like, I I found that being in relationships with women, like, I have that in common with him, it makes it like we can bond over that.

There's a

lot of words you could use. Bonkers, erratic, eccentric is a great word, but flying off the handle and threatening to accuse someone of a felony that would destroy their life socially just because you're irritated. And it's also one of those things where I'm I'm the opposite of a victim. I'm going to victimize someone by pretending that I'm the victim. I'm going to destroy their life by pretending they destroyed my life.

That's the most insidious type of like because you're also discrediting victims.

Yeah. It's one thing to be like crazy. It's another thing to be crazy and malicious. It's like, it was such a like, and she's smart too. So she's like constructing a perfectly constructed, you know, not perfectly constructed obviously, but like trying to find the insidious way to tell this lie that will do the maximum damage to me, that will hurt me the most.

It's like, whew, that's a dark triad if I've ever seen one.

Yeah. I think that, look, I have one guiding principle, and that's that we should believe women. And so I don't know. If someone's trying to rape you, you probably don't refuse to leave their Uber, right? Probably are are If the one who's

you watch the video, whole time I just keep saying, that's why I keep I'm like laughing and I can't stop laughing and in between bouts of laughter, keep saying It is very funny. I keep saying, you are free to leave the Uber. Leave at any time. You may leave right now. Like, it's just like staying there.

He's he's trying to he's trying to hurt me.

And I don't think we should default to believing women because they they have two x chromosomes that we should just magically believe them.

No, you need to believe women.

Alright. Well, I think you're Yeah. Understandably personifying someone. You need to the the

crazy Chinese girl cries out in pain as she strikes you.

Yeah. So I don't know if there's a lesson here, but it was certainly it was it was entertaining for me.

I've never. Dude, I have never.

Yeah.

Can we play just five seconds of that audio?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good that's a good I'll hold it up to the mic and I'll show you guys.

The thing, I heard this story before, and she she's

very good looking. That's why I was on a date with her. Yeah.

This is the trap. We go back to, you know, single, attractive, sane. You you picked the wrong two. Which is the right two? I don't know.

Well, to be clear, I try to select for Sane very hard, and she just didn't reveal it until it took an hour and a half

or two.

Was meaning oriented?

She was not, Wes. In fact, I recognized that very early in the day, which is why I was checked out.

Yeah.

I have four videos that amount to almost thirty minutes total.

Okay. We'll play them all.

Let me try to find an interesting part. I think in this one, she's this is the one that she jumps on me.

This is actually not okay. This is actually not You can you can leave.

You you can just get out.

You can not you

can you can stop being filmed by simply leaving you. So, yeah, she's upset that I was filming her.

Leave my car. Okay? I'll to you. You're not okay to leave my I'll wait leave my car. So the cops are coming.

What the fuck are you, Margie? What what I had to do? You had to leave.

We need to have him on.

What the fuck?

I know. And who's actually having fun? Trust me. You're laughing, but you're not having fun. Trust me.

You're not actually having fun. Is great.

I'm on one TV. Please.

Sir. This is Uber. And Yeah. It's gonna be the same. Somebody.

You know, this is not his car. She's not even you know, this is not her or rider. She's recording Cody back

at this

point. Yeah.

Sitting on you know, the one person Yeah. Who belong this car, and he's the me.

He's doing a really bad

job explaining. Using to leave the car.

Sorry. Yes, sir. This is the location.

Oh oh, he called the cops too. Yeah. So they're both on the phone with the cops.

I called the cops, the cops

told me

And she has her she has her parka pulled up over her head so that I can't see her on video.

And cops are coming Let

me Ma'am, ma'am, just give give him a moment. Let him speak. He was the one that dialed. Hold on. Yes.

The cops told her to be quiet.

Set it Houston Yeah. So I'm at a Uber when I called the cops.

Anyway, this goes on. Is

the cops now to say that I'm pleased to leave. I refuse to leave because the cops told me to stay

here to the location.

Wait for the cops. Salmon?

Yeah. I I think it was in the beginning of this video where

the cops as I'm on a road.

Her name? Straighten that the driver

is saying, like, why don't you

That's so funny, dude. Yeah. Cody's like in the fetal position.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm like Howard in the corner. Oh, man. So you guys there you go.

I

have I have such sympathy for police, because I'm I'm gonna guess they they they took the job to make a difference to people's lives, and you have this image of them protecting us, and I I think they do. But then they also have to just deal with crazies. I think that if I was a policeman, which I'm not, I I think my my view of the world would be so warped, because nine out of 10 people I would be dealing with are the crazies. Yeah.

Yeah. They were they were they were chill cops too. Were cool. They were like comedy cops. They were like it was like a skinny, small, white guy, and a giant fat black guy.

They were like, you know, like comedy partners, you know, like, get into hijinks together or whatever. And they were like, they were kids. They were like younger than me. You know, these guys were early twenties, they must have been. And they were they were so just like, they like, they were such good humor about it, I was like, was like, I'm sorry guys.

And they were like, oh, it's all good, this is an easy call, we're having fun. They were like

I suspect this isn't the first time they've seen a crazy person.

Yeah, yeah. Or a

crazy person.

For them, they kept insisting. They were like, this is the easiest call of our night. We're chilling.

Is They've probably seen her before.

And then the guy, the white guy, like the short white guy with the big ears, I swear they were both like, hell, they were like funny looking. He was like loving it. He was like, he thought it was really funny, and I was like, and he was like he was like, if you knew where we just came from like, think they must have just come from a homicide, because he kept saying that. He was like, I'm traumatized from what I just saw. Yeah.

This is a welcome relief. I was like, oh, God. Yeah. Yeah.

I think that yeah. I mean, the idea to me that, like, you know, in her state that she was in, the idea that the cops were going to come and, like, take her side and take her seriously is, like she can't even keep the story straight.

I know. Yeah. Yeah. She was

I like talking to the police too.

Follow the

police. I'm I'm we're this is a pro police podcast.

We're

I am not pro police.

We're a we're a c a b. All cops are beautiful.

But yeah. No.

Okay. You won. I thought I thought I thought the date was just going to be a bad date story. But that really is. That is that is

I mean, I have bad day stories, but I have nothing.

Yeah. Yeah. You I I thought I knew what a ten was, but but you I think you you you hit the 9.8 certainly of like of a bad date. And I the worst I've had is, like, a six or a seven bad compared to this. Do you you've and this is a logarithmic scale.

So you're you're approaching anything short of her throwing gasoline on you and trying to light it.

Yeah. Dude, if thank God that you have, like, the ethics not to post that video because, like, this is an award winning story.

Like, the Do you think I could win a

The the the audio for the Yeah. The accents were just perfect with the Uber driver's ready.

I was she was in my car.

She she won't get out of the car.

And he spent the whole way back to my place after she had left, like, shitting on Chinese people. He was like, you wouldn't mean that we have to work together to get these Chinese people out? I can't do the These Chinese people, they come to our country and they disrespect you. Like

no laws.

Where that came from.

Yeah. That's what that's what he was saying. He was like super anti foreigner, which I know is so funny. I was like I'm like, I'm with you there bro, It's you and me, pal.

They're like, this might save my Uber rating, who knows? I'm either getting a one or a five

tipped him very I told him too earlier in the night. I was like I was like, he's like, I need to go, this is ruining my night. And I was like, don't worry bro, I'll I'll give you a really generous tip. And I did. I gave How

much did you tip him?

Like $40 or something. Okay.

Yeah. Wow.

That's so crazy. I love the story. I was I'm thinking, you know, the New York Times wrote an article basically about Keeper recently and it starts with Cody Zervis was looking for his wife. And I'm just I'm just imagining, you know, what if we showed He's still looking. What if we showed What's Your Face this video?

It's like Cody Zervis was in the backseat of his Uber being physically assaulted by a Chinese woman.

Yeah. It's it's good this didn't make it into the article.

It's good it's a good thing she didn't find your anonymous feedback page on the Internet. You know? That's true.

It's like It wouldn't have been too anonymous.

Left a one star Trustpilot review for Keeper. This is

the only date I've gone in a New York this is my one experience of New York dating. Oh, really? And I'm good.

Oh. Yeah. You're One for one.

I'm one for one now. And you decided to leave New York City.

That's right. I am leaving New York City now. So that is my experience

If you can make it here, you you can make it anywhere.

I cannot make

it here,

apparently. Like, that was proven to me definitively.

Dude, I would I pray for a day like that. Like, it's at least it's not boring.

It was so entertaining. I was laughing so hard the whole time. It was

I couldn't control myself.

Yeah. I I couldn't. It was I was dying. And like and I realized, too, was like and it started off being kind of funny, and then I was like, oh, I'm actually in danger. She's actually crazy.

But I was still like laughing, and I was like conflicted in my head, because I was like, this is really funny and also like kinda scary, like I don't know where this is gonna go.

Well, laughing can be it can be for you can people laugh out of submission, you know? Yeah.

Like

Or or nervousness or awkwardness or just to break the tension.

Why why do you feel like you were laughing?

Because I just have that reaction from

Besides from the fact that besides that it was really funny. It's clearly funny. But scary.

Because it could have gone different ways. Different cops showing up.

Because I just like there's something part of me that like loves when things go off the social script. Yes.

Yes. I agree.

Right? It's like when we're in uncharted territory and it's like, oh, this is like not we're not wearing the mask of like normal polite society.

Jealous. But the

other I feel a little bit jealous that you had this experience. Like it's so funny.

Yeah. Like like a like a scar from a knife fight, no one wants to get it, but once you have it

God.

Secretly treasure it.

Sure. Yeah. There it's like kinda that's so why it's probably that. It's like I just like part of me like just delights. I'm like, oh, I'm having like one of these I'm gonna be able to tell so many stories, so many people about this story.

Like I'm having I'm gonna remember this for the rest of my life.

You should hit her up again like now. Be like, hey, this is Cody. You know, I've really been thinking about it and I think that maybe I ruled you out.

Just hey.

I think it maybe I was little Just say hey thinking about you. Do you think she settled down though?

No. Did you want?

No. They they don't usually

Did you get settle a Mousheeb's number?

Yeah. Do. We're bros now. We we have drinks every February a few weeks. Talk about our crazy Chinese girl dating stories.

That's okay. We don't mean to say that all Chinese women are like

Just most of them.

Yeah. Well, no. But even not. Like, I I actually expect kind of the opposite, which is kinda crazy.

Like, what's scary in that situation is like, right, is seeing the switch get flipped, going like, oh, this person is doing everything they possibly can to hurt me. Right? Like, there's no reservation. Like, there was no part of her that was Right? It was like, anything she possibly could have done.

If she had a gun, she would have shot me. If she could have thought of the right combination of words to ruin my life, she would have. Like, was entirely she was entirely dedicated to the task of of killing me if possible.

I almost wonder, like, what is what is her exact berserk button? Like, is it is it being rejected or is it being called boring? I think it was that. I don't think it was being rejected. Because she specifically

because she rejected me back.

Yeah.

Like we rejected each other and like we were agreed on that and I you know, nobody likes being rejected, but like there was a certain sense that we talked about it. We walked on the sidewalk going like, we're mutually rejecting each other, right? We are. Okay, great. Alright.

It's not a big deal. You know, it happens. I think it was that she felt the when you listen to like, everything she was saying, I mean, it was mostly largely incoherent, but to Steelman her perspective, like, she felt that I was that I didn't give her the benefit of the doubt enough on the date, that I was like sort of acting in bad faith on the date, because I secretly the whole time thought that she was ranting and boring, and and she she kept saying like that was that's like her worst fear, is like being interpret like

She's like, listen, buddy. I'm gonna show you I am anything but boring.

And that, like, I didn't give her the opportunity, because she kept saying things like, well, you're the man. It's your job to steer the conversation to, like, interesting topics. And like any if the date didn't go right

It's nice to know she believes in traditional gender roles.

Sure.

That's that's a plus, you know.

So, you know, so she's I would say

She's single. She's available.

She's available. Listeners.

More than anything else, women want a guy who can women like to feel emotions. So this is where they like good emotions and bad emotions. Women well, that's a that's a real point. Women like to feel women want to feel every emotion. They want to feel challenged, they want to feel bad, they want to feel sad, they want to feel angry, and they want you to give them space to feel those things.

Yeah.

And women are attracted to men who make them feel the full spectrum of emotion. And we can't deny. I don't know if she enjoyed any moment of any of that, but you seem to have run the gambit.

Yeah. Yeah. She got to experience all of it. That's for sure. Yeah, and like this is the I don't know if there's like a takeaway here, but like certainly, like this is part of the issue, right, is that like there's like 1% of people or whatever the percentage is.

Actually, think it's about 4%. But there's about 4% of people who are something like this, right, who are such a negative, whether it's crazy or malicious or whatever the combination is, they're sufficiently bad that like they poison the well for everybody else. Like this is part of what leads to like the bad dating dynamics. Like everybody is forced into sort of a like you can't you you have to be super cautious and super reserved and super formulaic and super all these things, because you don't know when you're drawing marbles out of the out of the bucket when you're gonna get black one.

You have to be prepared for the worst because it might be like the I mean, we're in New York City and I think that like those types of people are going to be overrepresented on dating apps and they're also probably going to be overrepresented in New York City because

They're also overrepresented in the single category.

And also working in tech and also being Chinese. No, not the last one, guys. I'm just

I don't

Yeah. You're just being mean to the tech people now.

It was so funny how racist the Uber driver was. That was that was so funny. Just immediately. It was a bonding experience for me and Rajeet, can I say that?

Yes. I can tell, I mean.

We we we really bonded over having survived an encounter with

How did she leave? But you're you Oh,

How did how did The cops extracted her from the Uber. Physically? No. Did they give her a ride home? They no.

They they they asked both of us. They showed up, they opened both of our doors, one on one side, the other on the other, and they said, both of you please step out of the Uber.

Did the big one go on your side or her side?

I got the tiny white guy. The giant black guy was with her.

They were like, you take the crazy one, we're gonna we're gonna take the autistic looking guy.

Yeah. I think they could tell that I was and then maybe I'm insulted. I'm gonna call the NYPD and complain.

Next time, I want the big guy. I should be the risk.

Dude, imagine if the police shot Cody.

It seems a rather dire step, but yeah, it would have made the day better. The the date story would have gotten better at that point.

It it did inspire some confidence for me that I that I was able to get like, that other people were able to, like she was not able to steer the narrative against me, like other people were able to identify the act like what actually was actually happening. The Uber driver was on my side, the cops were on my side. That was heartening. It was like, oh, good, like, you know, because sometimes I feel like, I don't know, you know, as a man in a modern America, like you feel like the women have it like, the crazy women like have complete control, they can just say whatever they want, like everybody will believe them. Yeah.

So like it was kind of nice, like I maybe inspired some faith in the cops. It was pretty funny like watching from this, you know, I'm in the Uber or near the Uber, I stayed by there, and the black guy took her over to the sidewalk, and I'm like talking to my guy going like, isn't this crazy? And we're like just laughing, like, yeah, anyway. He's like, don't worry, we'll we'll let you go in a minute, I'm like, alright, cool. And then I'm watching over there, and I'm so I'm like, it's like this what a contrast, so me and the white guy was like chilling, and then the black guy and the Chinese girl are like, she's like yelling at him, and like he's having to like deal with her.

She was yelling at him.

Oh, yeah, yeah. She's still like losing her mind over on the sidewalk. I think it was less like yelling at him. Well, I guess it was kinda yelling at him, but he wasn't like, she was like, you know, you need to go shoot that guy. You know, she was trying to to wield the NYPD against me, right?

I'm just trying to imagine working with this woman anything, and what who did she did she do marketing for? Was it like eBay customer support marketing? Some some truly, you know, tech service that just is is so painful anyway.

Who knows?

Who knows if she's

even in tech, first of all. Right? She might have just been completely lying. Right? Or, you know, about either the industry she's in or how successful

how she had backup telephones already. Because she had multiple phones to call you on.

Well, probably used like Google Voice or something.

What do

you mean she had most? She only had one phone.

Well, you said got messages from several text

Oh, I she's she's probably either using Google Voice or one of her friends' numbers. I'm sure I'm sure the story sounded very different when she told her friends. I don't know.

That's why we need to have her on.

I know. I gotta hear her trust side of the

you and I think that you're a reliable source, but also I never I try to never pass judgment until I've heard both sides of the story, and I also believe women.

Sounds like there's gonna be three or four sides to her story. Yeah.

Said there was all four sides of

the story.

Yeah. We're gonna have

a reunion episode.

Where are they now? Yeah.

Two weeks later.

It's like at the end of the movie, there's like a song and it's like Right. You know, it shows the black cop. It's like Rashid Williams went on to Right. Right. Marry the Chinese girl.

Right. Right.

That could be like a good way to get a free ride home though, you know, like call you get an Uber, you call the cops, cops give you a ride home.

I don't think they were gonna plus I don't want be in the back of a cop seat.

It's not particularly comfortable. I've never been You've never been arrested?

No. I I haven't lived life fully. Yeah. I think we should call it there because I I have nothing more to add. I feel this wash of of like cathartic energy has passed through me.

Like the craziness came out of your phone

Yeah.

And it it it brought light and joy and horror all at the same time. I too felt all of the emotions I could feel in one day, and I there's there's nothing left.

I would say this is this is kind of it's tacking on something much less interesting, but don't complain on dates ever about anything. That's just a good rule to live by, don't you think? Like complaining is like a A really bad

little bit is fine. Or even like if you can complain in an interesting way. I mean, a lot of comedians, their material is based on like complaining in a funny way, which

is Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah. Yeah.

But that's different than complaining. Complaining is like like I think as a man particularly complaining makes you look weak. Say that as a complainer. I'm a big time complainer.

I like when people complain. It's like it's it can create like, I mean, obviously, you don't want it to take too much as it can be too much, but it's like it can create like a

It's also are you just venting? Are you are you reproducing negative energy? Are you laughing about it? So it so simply to call it complaining is so narrow when it can be done so many different ways.

Yeah, to me the sin is being boring.

Obviously. Don't be boring. Yeah. And and the sin number two is don't tell them they're boring. No, that's That's clearly, that's That a

pro I told her she was boring, I was doing exactly the thing Wes asked for in the last episode, honest feedback.

But this is why they don't give honest feedback, because you don't know, because you're Is true? Is this the one to 4%?

That's true.

I mean, I've heard many people say also, when you're dealing with employees, everyone, every HR person on the planet, even when you don't get a job interview, they will never tell you why. And it's sad, but it's because there's a risk you can sue them.

That's right.

So in a litigious climate, you say nothing, which is a shame because no one ever gets the job feedback they probably need.

Yep. But you

can't tell someone any of this stuff from what I understand.

That's right.

Do is it can I be saying things like I say on this podcast? Can we add a disclaimer?

Just just We can't add this give add and and my friend told me or Yeah.

What what specific are you talking about, Wes?

I mean, I talked about her being Chinese a lot.

I think it's fine.

She's probably still Chinese. Yeah.

Her eyes were popping out

of her head. Listen, I'm not the one being racist. It was Rajeev being racist.

Yeah, Rajeev was.

Wes is not racist, he's simply sympathetic to Rajeev's racism. Yeah, no, it's it's fine. No, you're the unhinged one on the pod, that's your role.

Yeah, that's we're playing, just to be clear to the listeners, we're playing characters.

You don't break kayfabe, Wesley. Okay.

Yeah. I'm not playing a character.

Yeah. No. But you don't say anything objectionable.

I'll work on that.

Yeah.

I'll try to do better, guys.

Yeah. This is we're doing we're we're doing shock jocks. Stoney.

Oh, okay. Alright. Welcome back to battery.

Stoney just spent $3,000 on a Scybian machine.

We're going to bring into

this series. Scybian?

Is that what you're talking about?

Well, Cody knows how it's pronounced.

I think it is.

No. I asking, like, what is that what you're talking The fucking machine is that what you're talking about? Yeah. Yeah.

I thought it was the

thing that women stood on. Is that what you're talking about?

Yeah. It's like a saddle.

Did I tell you the story about that professor at my college that got You was barred for this?

Didn't tell it on the I think.

You haven't told it on the show.

Okay.

Yeah. This is gonna be this this episode is Cody's story hour.

This is not. Is good material.

Won't. Why not?

No. This this conversation unrelated. It's it's crazy. It's like in a good way. Yeah.

Go go for it.

This okay. Well, I can't the problem is I can't tell this story from a first person perspective. I wasn't actually there. It was just a legend, because I went to Northwestern for undergrad, and the year I got there for freshman year, it was a new thing that had just happened on campus. I think it was the year prior.

It was either one or two years prior, but I think it was the previous year, where should I say his name? It's a known thing.

If someone could Google it, then I think I you're

can't remember his first name, Professor Bailey, who was like a famous sex researcher. He is famous for innovating the concept of, like, there are two types of, like the taxonomy of transgenderness, that there's actually two different kinds of transgender people, autogynephiliacs, and

I thought you gonna say something funny, there are two kinds, men and women.

That's neither here nor there. So he's like a famous known researcher, right? But he lost a job, as far as I remember, and know the story, I could be misreading the details, and he got fired because and he, I think he lost tenure, which is like a hard thing to do, of course, because he like put his undergrad student on a Sybian in front of a whole class as like a demonstration.

Did she volunteer?

I mean, think so. Don't think she strong armed into it, but it was like a lecture hall class or something, and it was like, you know, teaching about human sexuality, and like he like brought a sibling and like had her get on it and write it.

I could totally see how a sex researcher would be like, well, this is totally normal. We are conducting a scientific experiment Which

she thought.

And the rest of society is saying, maybe you shouldn't use a giant masturbatory device in a lecture hall.

18 year olds. I don't know if she was hot. As the legend goes, she did orgasm. Okay. That is the legend.

And what what was learned on that day?

It's hot when women orgasm. I don't know.

That's one of those situations where you're like, I'm either getting a promotion or I'm getting fired, but they can't just let this one slide.

I think he just, you know, he's just so comfortable in his legend status.

What's the point of tenure if you can get

Well, also, I'm not I I'm not defending it, but it just seems plausible. If you're a sex researcher, you can't not research orgasms.

I think there's a lot of competition at colleges to be like the fun professor, you know? Like, college has like a few professors that it's like, oh, yeah, you want to take their classes because they're like fun.

Right? Yeah.

We Like, they

I have one of those.

Yeah. So do we.

He was Shakespeare though, and there was no Sibian involved.

He's missing a huge opportunity.

There's no way took it to another level.

Everyone remembers the scene from Romeo and Juliet where Juliet sits on the dryer at the laundromat.

Some professors are like, I'm gonna make jokes. This guy's like, I'm gonna have my students come on stage.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's it's it's it's just a shame he got fired because for the next class he had one of those like milking machines.

This was the beginning of a whole semester that arcade he had planned.

The syllabus said week two, fleshlight.

Right. Right.

But he did okay. So he got fired and then he

I don't know where

it goes. I think that that's where the story ends. That's the whole story. Because there's no there's well, there's there's no coming back.

I hooked up with a a sex researcher many years ago.

Only to find out that you were in her book

later on.

No, I was not. It was she was a professor she was like 45 years old. I was like 25.

Was was she She was at a conference. Was she, you know, erudite, let's say?

She was pretty short. That what you mean?

Yeah, that's that's

Did her learnings pay off? No. Was she able to actualize her her understanding?

No. Was she

good in sack Was there anything unique or different or memorable about the experience?

No. My buddy shit his pants in our hotel room.

Have to say that Cody's stories are much, much better. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to compete here.

Let's wrap it up.

Yeah. We're That's pretty gonna end on that one.

We're gonna be thank you for tuning into the Handsome Hour.

Oh, let's do the intro. So let's do the wrap and then the intro.

Yep. Thank you for tuning into the Handsome Hour. Hopefully this has been the most handsome hour of your day.

It's been a great hour for me.

It's been some kind of hour.

It's been I

don't know if it was handsome.

I yeah. I We're all speechless. I'm bricked up. Yeah.

So anyway, she and Wes have a date plan for this weekend.

You if you are interested in any of the women that we've told stories about in this episode Call

our hotline. It does not exist.

It's the handsomehour@handsomehour.com. And Alright. Thank you for tuning in.

It's the handsome