Episode 8 - I Dated a Girl Who Did 4 Years for Murder

Today, we discuss some crazy topics. We find out which one of the podcast members has dated someone who did time for murder. We dive into tangents about the Star Wars universe, And we discuss Bumble profiles to find out why Wes doesn't wanna think about kidneys or liver when he's dating.

Who's more immoral? The girl who who murdered somebody that Wes went on a date with?

Or Qui Gon.

Or Qui Gon. Find out today.

Welcome back. It's the Handsome Hour.

Alright.

It's the Handsome Hour. Today, we're we're talking about I was gonna do Bumble profiles. Do you wanna this is

Let let's do because my only request is that our Bumble profiles provide real context. They're not just critical, but that's I'm not saying they weren't before. But also, did you queue up that movie or clip of Maggie Gyllenhaal as they're obviously not watching this, the scene, and I don't even know what movie or show this is from, but Maggie Gyllenhaal's character is talking to her professional matchmaker.

That's that's Maggie Maggie Gyllenhaal?

I don't think that's her. Maybe you shouldn't be

That's not her.

Fine. I have no idea who that is. Who is that?

That's a girl.

Thank you.

Alright. Let's we'll watch it here and we can cut it out of

the sure.

I'm very sure.

That is definitely not Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Fine. I I I should just never

Maggie Gyllenhaal is from The Dark Knight.

She's That's right.

She she's the girl. She's the girl from The Dark Knight. Great movie.

Alright. Let's He

doesn't want a second date?

No. Who's that?

I feel like if you combine these women, they would look like Maggie Jone Hall.

How fucking dare he? Dating is a risk. You took a risk. It's brave.

Why did you set me out with someone like that?

It's Anna D'Armis.

No. It's not.

He checked a lot of our boxes. It's just And you checked a lot his?

Scarlet Johansson. Got it.

So onwards and upwards. Let's talk about your next match. I have an amazing guy for you. His name is Mark. He's a doctor.

He's very handsome. He has a full head of hair. He's forty eight.

That's almost 50.

He looks great for 48. He's very fit. He looks like he's 40.

How tall?

Five eleven.

Is he actually five eleven, or is he actually five nine in his line?

What's a couple inches?

Well, it's close about both

of you.

I don't wanna waste my time. I am not asking for a miracle. I'm just asking for the bare minimum. I'm trying to settle.

Sophie, I know how it feels right now. But I promise you, you're going to marry the love of your life.

I don't believe you. That's okay.

The girl has a very negative attitude.

So so apparently, movie is materialist and it's Dakota Johnson. So boy, was I was I off on

Who's the other woman?

I don't know. But I like

the other woman, the matchmaker. I like her.

Yeah. I like her too.

I like the cut of her jib.

Hire her. Can be our co host. Yeah. Give me the guy who plays whistle on Paradise.

Oh, so I guess Dakota Johnson was the dating coach.

Okay.

That's the one I like. I like Dakota Johnson.

Yeah. I like the other one.

I like Dakota Fanning too.

I like most of the Dakotas.

Yeah. South Dakota? We have a boy who lives in South Dakota.

Do we?

Yeah. Was it this person? Is that

it? Yeah. Yeah.

That's it. Zoe Winters. So Zoe Winters was looking for the guy out

of here. She did a good job of acting and making making me hate her. Like what are these quick

little characters? Get Zoey Winters out of here. Put her on a rocket to the Mars.

I don't know if I have any takes on that clip that are not what it's things I've already said.

This take is not even that original, but what I found interesting was that people on X were highly critical of the matchmaker. Oh.

Well, yeah, sure. Okay. Really? Yeah. Because she's just like she's just feeding her the like the same like like, you don't ever need to change.

I remember I saw a Clefalo post. Ali Clefalo.

Yeah. Shout out

to Ali Clefalo.

Yeah. Yeah.

Friend of the show.

Friend of the show. And she goes like, you talk to I'm trying to remember how she phrased it, but she's like, you talk to men in terms of like responsibility or like taking responsibility, and you talk to women about in terms of what they deserve. And that's what she's doing. She's like, you it's about everything that you deserve. Just for the it's you eyeing the table, right?

It's like just for the mere fact of existing, you deserve the best of the best, and that's what she's doing.

Yeah, and ladies, you traded that world away. You you wanted jobs. Okay? Right. You know?

I'd yeah. I think that we've covered this ground a little bit. But if you're going to if you're going to sit there and you're going to say, oh, well, I need all of these things, like like that the girl in the clip, you know, she's getting up there in years. Right? Like you at some point, like, you can love

a bald guy. You know what I mean?

Like, you you can't if you're going to be that exacting, you have to be like, you know, perfect. You better be perfect.

The other line was he ticked a lot of our boxes, which both disagrees with Cody's last take on the prior episode and completely agrees with Cody's last take on the prior episode, because I think Cody would highlight this is not the woman you want in your life, someone who's trying to tick the boxes.

Yeah. Yeah. This is I would kill myself if I were married to that woman.

Yeah. Like, if your boxes are at a certain point at a certain point, you're supposed to age out of, like, caring so much about someone's height or something. Like, beggars can't be choosers almost, and like, you know, men who are five eleven need love to. Right? Cody.

Men who are in

their Yeah. Yeah. It's like everything about that was gross. It's meant to be that way, obviously. It's like written to create a disgust reaction, and it succeeds.

It's like you can't it's just being a hypocrite, right? It's like if you're gonna be that shallow and bitter and all these things, like, you know, of course, then you need to be willing to be rejected on the same terms. So she gets rejected on those same exact terms, and she's like heartbroken about it. It's like heartbroken is not even the right word because it's like way shallower than

heartbroken. She's offended.

Offended, exactly. Yeah. It's like an affront to her ego and her self self image.

Right, like if you're going to be that emotional and sad about being single, you don't have the right to be like, he was balding,

you know? So I think her what she was really feeling without explicitly saying was, I am offended that a man I perceive to be a lower rank than me

That's right.

Would reject me. And further, I'm afraid that this rejection might chip away at my own self inflated structured ego, so I have to be offended and attack him. Because that would be the only logical explanation, not that I need to improve.

Well, is that is what is happening in the it's sour grapes. Because she did want she's she ostensibly wanted another date with him. Right? Like she's upset that she got rejected and now that she got rejected, she's finding reasons to be dissatisfied with him.

Even more so, if she didn't want a second date with him and he rejected her, that's even more hurtful. It's one thing to be scorned by a supermodel. It's another thing to be scorned by a man that she perceived to be lower than him. So again, this is her, I think, defense of her self image.

But she didn't perceive him to be lower than her

She kind did because she said he's balding, so therefore how dare he. Right.

Yes. So I'm trying to

settle it's

like she's he he was her compromise and he's still rejecting her.

Yes. However, if if he had not rejected her, she would not be having this reaction. Like she is hurt is what's happening. Right? Like she is I

think it's what Stoney said. I mean, not to quibble, but it's less less I wouldn't use the word hurt so much as like offended. She's not even operating on the plane of, you know, who is husband material. She's operating on the plane of like, what are my dating prospects say about my status?

She was not sad. She was angry. Yeah. And why was she angry? Because he was effectively offensive to her.

And how is he offensive to her? Not that he rejected her, which in of itself is not offensive, but that he rejected her by being in her mind lower tier.

No. I think that the rejection is an important part of it because it's like, imagine you went on a date with a girl who was very fat and she rejected you. Right? Like, it would it's like, maybe you liked her because I don't know why. But it's like the pain of rejection is like, if this person rejected me, like, what does that say about me?

Because it's like she's it's like the whole world is a mirror. Right? Like, the she's feeling rejected and she's feeling rejected by someone she feels lower value than her. So Right. If you perceive the world to be a value hierarchy, then your own you have just had your own position diminished very severely.

It's there's a there's a dissonance between your your her view of herself and the feedback she's getting from the world. Right.

I think you're disagreeing well, completely agreeing with me.

And she's not only angry, she's horrified. Yeah. It's like it's like it's like shock and disgust and horror Right. At the radical revision in her own status. It's like that's what you get when when life is simply a status game, guess what?

Like then Yeah. You're playing a status game, then you're about to be horrified.

Yeah. The point I'm making reaction is not the man's baldness, it's the rejection. And the the bald the argument about the baldness is a sort of a rationalization to recover your own self image in this circumstance. It's like, you rejected me? Oh, well, you're bald.

You you have no right to do that. Right? It's a way of like trying to reclaim the not the moral high ground, but like, it's it's a way of like being like trying to put yourself back up in the hierarchy by finding a reason to take the other person down. To be like, oh, you rejected me? Well, here's a reason that your opinion doesn't matter.

Right?

So now that we've, I think, done a good job analyzing her, now let's ask a different question. As I approach my 60 birthday, how do I avoid women like this? They're out It's so

funny if you lean into it.

Man, I'm just trying. I'm trying

to That was so deadpan. Nobody everybody's gonna think you're 63.

Yeah. Anyway Now, just ruined it. You just completely You're

63. You're about to turn 64. Yeah. You've recently turned 63.

No, I'm about to I turn to turn

63. Flight.

How did you feel on Pearl Harbor? That happens

I was still looking for the right woman even back then. There's a joke about pearl necklaces in there, but I will skip over that. I lost I lost whatever I was You're saying now

that we've established what like what she was doing or why she was upset.

Now that we've done such a good job or I think done a good job analyzing her, the next question is, how do we avoid that? And as someone who's about to turn 63, a lot of the remaining women are exactly like that.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I think that like the highest level thing you do is like life is a single player game. Right? Like, you just have to think of life as, like, it's it's not a multiplayer game. It's not like there's no leaderboard.

Like, you have to get the idea of a leader because, I mean, there obviously, there is a leaderboard. Alright? Like, some people are better than others.

If people you can't are take taller it all over than others. Others. You can't take it

over way. Right. You have to just be like, what am I trying to get out of life? Well, I'm trying to maximize my own satisfaction out of life. And what are the thoughts and habits and attitudes that are going to get me there?

And the one that's not going to get you there is constantly placing yourself on a hierarchy because naturally, that's like Donald Trump already won that game. Like, you you know, Elon Musk already won that game. Like, can't if you have to be like, how am I going to maximize my enjoyment? And stop comparing yourself to others. You That's what I think.

Yes. Thank you. Welcome,

Now, as Wes

This reminds me of an episode. I can't put As my finger on

Wes, I will now chip in and say, no, simply compete because that status is all that matters.

Yes, and as Cody, I will chime in and say I love men. I think this is one of those things that's just perennially true and you can tell people this as many times as you need to and it's just always a good point.

Look, the simple simple thing to do here is next. Yeah. It's like, there's always gonna be that woman in the world. I mean, yeah, there's a lot of that these days. It's a bummer, but like, next.

This also reminds me of the X Post where you will find this, you know, mugshot of a very attractive woman who got drunk and did something truly horrendous and illegal, and there's always a couple guys chipping in and saying, I can save her. Yeah. Knowing full well

Like Shawty's.

That this is this is perhaps a a vainglorious effort. But they do want to try to save her, whereas I don't think anyone's signing up to save this character.

I've tried. I've signed up. Dude, I dated a girl who did four years for murder. I've dated I've dated every type of woman.

This is a story that I think we need to cover. Yeah.

So I told that story. I dated she sort of had a murder vibe, honestly. Like, she I don't wanna like like she's really nice and like

Bumble photo a mugshot with

No. It was self defense. She kinda got screwed by the DA. I'm not gonna say what city it was, but it was a very liberal city and this guy like came and killed her dog. I don't know I don't know how much I can say about this because like maybe someone could find this.

Like, I could find this.

You could tastefully change details.

Yeah. So so a person came into her home and was stabbing her with a utensil.

Holy shit.

I don't know if that I don't know if I can tell you what utensil. But she has the scars from it and it's she's, like, very nice. Like, she's, like, she's and and this was not the reason we we, like, stopped seeing each other. It's because, like, the it was just not going to work. Right?

Like, we you know, it was just better to end it. But then, yeah, she told me she's like, can I I need to tell you something? I'm like, what? She's like, I did four years for murder. Like, I was in solitary confinement.

She, like, told

me all about it and stuff. She was hot. Like, she was she was considerably older than me, but she was hot. And I I I was pretty into it, honestly. But she told me the whole story.

And if if her side of the story is correct, then she kinda got screwed by the DA. And I've heard other stories from people in the city who also got screwed by the DA. So I think it's good to expose yourself to different types of experiences and different types of people and and meet, you know a big part of what I do in life is I just seek variety, I try to put myself as in as many different types of situations as possible, you know, with different types of people who you would never normally encounter.

Can you tell us her race without telling us her race? Oh, wait. You just did. She was Greek.

Is that what you were thinking?

No. The the the DA is never going to screw a non white in that situation. The DA is only gonna screw the whites.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She was also a big proponent of the mafia. She was like I met a lot of people in this city that I was in who who were, like, begging to have the mafia back because they're like, we have all this the drugs on our street now and stuff.

And it's like, the mafia did bad stuff, but, like, if you were selling drugs on the corner, they would, like, just come, you know, kill you or kick your ass or something. And it's like, that's what we need in America. You know? We need strong men. We need we need, in The Philippines, they have, like, these local capos who are just like dads from the neighborhood who they give truncheons.

And they're just, like, you know, legally allowed to take people in and beat them up, and they're sort of like a middleman between the police and the and the the streets. And, you know, if you're like skateboarding in the wrong place, they'll come, you know, bring you in and call your parents and stuff, like that's their job. Sort of like a community watch kind of thing.

I do think there's a happy medium because I don't think incarceration is the right answer a lot of the time, especially if it takes the person out of whatever, you know, shot they have at holding down a job and spending time with their family. But at the same time, maybe half a day in the stockades or or a massage with the bamboo poles, which is what they do in Nepal. Maybe that would be a happy medium.

Yeah. Anything like I think the problem with incarceration is that it puts you around criminals and then you just become a criminal and then you're like sort of marked for life by having this, you know, this this mark hanging over your head. And that's a problem, but that's also not what the podcast is about, but it is true.

Thank you for the I dated someone who did time for murder.

Yeah. Dated a girl in a wheelchair too. Is that a good story?

She's She was talking about Tucker Max. You remember like back in back in the day, did you ever read his books?

Yes. I hope they serve beer in hell. Think is

the Like main one of stories about how he like would like see like he wanted to like fucking amputee. And he had like a whole story about how he like sought out an amputee because he wanted like check it off his bingo card or whatever.

Yeah. Yeah. I think I've kind of done that.

Without even trying as far as I can tell.

Yeah. Just sort of like what's like for kind of just kind of force gumping it, you know, just like you just kind of fall ass backwards into these situations and then you get there and you're like, yeah, I'm gonna play this one out, you know, like what would that be like? What is sex with this person like?

You for turning Forrest Gump into a verb. That was the first time I've heard that verb and I I every time I hear a new verb in my life, I get a little bit happier.

Yeah. Forrest Gump ing it. That's that's when you just find yourself as a part of every narrative by accident.

Alright. Should we do Bumble profiles? Yeah. We could

do Bumble profiles. I had one here.

I was gonna you're swiping through and then just reacting to women's profiles, is that the idea?

Well, no. I have a I have a pretty impressive queue built up here. Yeah. I was I matched with so I've I've, you know, I'm back on the dating apps. I'm I'm back here.

And I have very good photos, so I'm sort of like I have my pick of the litter.

Do you counter match? You pick the bad profiles just so you can talk about them on the pod?

No. Usually, like she has big tits or something. But this girl, she starts off her profile and she says, I'm a CST on the liver and kidney transplant team at my hospital. Now, just

Can I see her profile?

Yeah, you can see that.

Pass it around.

Yeah, take it down. Can someone tell me what what what mistake she's making there?

So she is trying to live in the man's world by boasting about her financial and career success, which is something really no cares I

don't think that's it because That's kind

of attractive.

I don't know what the hell her her deal is. Like I don't that a did you

see her last photo? I've Crazy eyes.

Yeah. See, that mean, I'm not gonna go on a

date with But he has crazy eyes.

Yeah.

That might be her identity in all fairness.

Yes. But that that is not the mistake that I am thinking of. I'm that's not the mistake that I'm identifying. It's something much more rudimentary than that from a perspective of just like basic influence and persuasion.

Just talking about something boring? It's just boring?

It's not boring. It's gross. She's talking about kidneys and livers. Her first, it's it's

I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

No, there is. Because because those are disgusting things. It's internal organs. It's visceral. You're making me think about poop and pee, you know?

Because that's what Okay. But don't you think

that matters more in the other direction? Like, if this were if you were a man putting that on your profile, it would matter more to women, but a woman putting on her profile, like most guys don't give a shit.

So where I would find this profile questionable is that it's almost all close-up selfies and where is she saying, at least through her photos, here's me interacting with the world. And when I only get effectively the same photo, but, you know, five different locations, but it's all just selfies, start to wonder about why did they pick these photos? What do they not have any secondary interest?

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's from the photos, my take is where's your abdomen? Where where's the rest of you?

I'm afraid the fourth photo tells you where it is. Oh, she looks okay here.

It's all She's not bad.

She looks like me. That's the problem. You know?

Yeah. So if she was sitting here, I would also tell her that kind of, hey, do you mind lowering your t shirt as I can as I can

Yeah. No, she that's not what I mean. Mean, her face, she looks like me. Like, she's like probably, you know, her family's probably from the same area of the world as mine.

Alright. Next profile.

But okay, we'll do another profile here. But no, my point is that you don't I don't care what part of the body she works on. Don't make me think about gross body parts.

Yeah. I mean, really, it's just like show off, yeah, it's like

I would I would You could say

I would never

I would never care about that.

Yeah. Don't lead with that because it doesn't it's not just positive in either direction. It's like it's not really interesting attractive aspect of yourself and it's not something that it's gonna function well as a filter. So it's like, are you leading with it?

I also wonder about the data that claims that nurses are the most promiscuous They women on the are. And which I think would make me hesitate a wee bit to match with a nurse.

Sure.

Wonder how they get those studies. Is it self reported?

Probably. I mean, what are they gonna do? Follow people around and write down who they have sex with? It's gotta be self report.

I'm just looking for another bad profile here. Most of these women don't write anything.

That to me is also a red flag. It suggests that you should date me based on my appearance alone.

Yeah. Like this girl, I mean, is boring, but this girl says, hopefully you're also really into pasta and good wine.

Oh my God. That's every profile.

Yeah. It's like like there has to be something more interesting about you that I can connect with. Like, what do you this is the thing that happens on dating apps where you were you were trying to be offensive to nobody and Yes. It I mean, this is, you know, trying to not talk about the same thing on every single episode, but you need to be at least trying to filter for someone who has something in common with you, and if the only thing that you can say about yourself is that I like things that everybody likes.

Yeah. Yeah. Ladies, most most women's profiles are horrendously boring. Like and as a man, like I mean, obviously everybody's first reaction they have on an app is is this person attractive or not? But for most guys, the immediate next thing they're reacting to is they're rolling their eyes on 80% of profiles because they're so basic.

Yeah. Well, this girl, okay, so this next girl, this is actually I think a positive one. Her bio says always orders dessert, and that's boring. Everyone says that. And it's also like she's not fat, so she can say She's kind of cute.

I'm gonna match this girl. But

If you're gonna if we're gonna do this, like, the audience has no visual to go on, so they have you have to like describe I have

to say okay. She's she's h one b what no. What is the what is the r one b? What is the genetic? What is the one that they all all the Indian people on Twitter talk about?

I don't know.

Oh, she's probably Indian. But her okay. She says the the prompt is what makes a relationship great is and she says arguing naked. That's funny.

Yeah. That's kind of funny.

That that that at something. Least that's demonstrating Yes. That is demonstrating personality. You have you have had an original thought here.

Right.

Right. You have you've seen a prompt. It's not like my well, mean, my profile sucks. It's not it's just like me trying to be funny the whole thing, but I'm like trying to communicate a certain lightheartedness and like certain Yeah. Levity with which I, know, approach life.

Right. And I can read this and I could say, okay, what makes a relationship great is arguing naked. That's a that's funny. And and you know what it also does is it creates a visual thought in my head. Because now I'm arg I'm first of all, I'm imagining this girl naked, and she looks good.

And second of all, it's like, I'm, like, giving you can give someone a visual visual cue, you are doing a good job. You're making them think about you more, and you're creating, like, a very strong impression. Impression. Like, being visual with what you say is very, very important. So I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna hit the check mark on this

Let me let me look at this profile.

Let me pull her up here. This is her.

As you pass that around, I'll say one of my favorite vocab words is anodyne. I don't know if you guys know that, but it means Yeah. Designed to not cause offense.

That's a good

word. But the flip side of it is therefore also boring. And as one seeks to not cause offense, one becomes more and more less remarkable.

Yeah. And it's Totally. The thing you see on dating apps is is an that's a perfect word for anodyne. I thought anodyne was a a metallurgical process where you maybe change the ions on the outside of a sheet of metal.

But anodyne You're thinking of electrolysis.

Okay. It was good. I was about to think, oh, boy, I really am outing myself here as having failed the SATs.

No, I think you're right.

Cathode and diode maybe are all just for the words there.

Yeah, anodyne. But a lot of this thing I

like that she's wearing like some kind of like, what is that, like a chiffon or some kind of she looks like she's dressed like an like an ancient Greek or something, like an ancient Sparta.

She is. She would she would be not out of place on the keeper website, you know? Yeah. We can make a fresco out of this broad. But the the the all of the memes that come from dating apps, I I think like ten years ago was The Office.

Everyone said they liked the show The Office. It's Anodyne. What you're trying

to do is you're trying to

be offensive to nobody, you're trying to be palatable to everyone, you're trying to maximize the the size of the fishing net while having the holes in the fishing net be too large to catch any large fish.

You know, I agree. To play a little bit of devil's advocate, not that it's necessary in this situation at all, but I'm not sure that it's motive in the case of most women, it's motivated by a desire to not be offensive. I don't think most women are worried about being offensive to men, for the most part, maybe. But it seems like they're just like a lot of cases, to be quite frank, like they really just are that boring. It's not like they have edgy sides of themselves they're covering up.

Right. They just are that boring.

Best case scenario, they are trying to cover something up.

They think they're being quirky and interesting and they're just not.

Yeah. They're they're following like a cultural template for what an interesting person or a quirky person or a normal person is supposed to say or something or like

Yeah.

I always order dessert. Like, isn't that amazing? Like, that's like a

sitcom. It's like mainstream sitcom humor. Right? Where it's just like, you did, you're so cool. It's like Big Bang humor or whatever.

Where it's like, oh my god, they're so quirky. You ordered that crazy drink, I ordered two of them. It's like you know, there's nothing humor.

Yeah. It's like you watch network television. Well, I saw another profile from a girl and she was to describe her body type, let's just say you wouldn't want to play Red Rover against her. And she put up like a poetic quote in her bio. And she was like, I am large, I contain multitudes.

That's good.

You know, and that's good. And it's like, you think that's good?

Well, she you said she was fat. Right?

Yeah.

And then, yeah, that's pretty I mean, it's not like the most genius thing I've ever heard, that's kind funny.

Well, do

think she was I didn't think I think that that is an actual quote from like a person. No. Well, it is.

It's It's it's it's Hemingway.

Yeah. But I don't think she's trying to be self effacing. I think that she's trying Well, no. That's how it comes off is like, I contain multitudes. Yeah, because you eat a lot, like

Wait, that's not Hemingway. That's who is that?

It doesn't matter.

Walt Whitman?

Sure. Walden Pond, I don't know.

Anyway, if she's being self effacing, that's pretty funny and clever.

Cody is still ogling this one girl.

Oh, I just I wanna see if there's anything else in her profile to react to. Together we could set the zoo animals free? Yeah. Something.

That's from a movie. Oh. In Venezuela.

Don't quote anything. Never quote anything. Reference. If you're you know, don't write yeah, reference never reference anything ever in any context.

I would have appreciated if we were in Venezuela, we would eat the zoo animals together.

If you make a reference, it better be like I

asked That

would be funny.

I asked the Polish to surrender five times before I dropped a single bomb. If you're gonna if you're gonna make a reference, you know, like, maybe I'll put that in my profile. What do you think?

Alright. We're done with her. Let's go to the next one. Should I look at ones that you already have matched with or new ones?

You should just look at whoever. You look at the ones in my like queue, the ones who have already liked me.

Yeah.

That's where I spend most of my time these days. I'm not really.

Alright. Let's look at Crystal.

Let's look at Crystal. Crystal.

Crystal 30 lawyer at company.

Okay.

My bio, Swipe right for and each one of these starts with emoji, I would add. Swipe right for book emoji, can read, green check mark, no felonies, sparkles, belly laughs, sunset, weekend road trips, watermelon emoji, living deliciously. The fuck does that mean?

This is a no. Don't show me a picture.

Some other emoji, convos where we forget the time. See, this is terrible.

Yeah.

My interests interests don't matter. My simple pleasures are what is WSH? Location? The WSH bike rides.

I don't know what that is.

Farmers markets, live music.

West Side Highway.

Alright. Whatever.

In her defense, what do you do if you are a normal person? You know, like like Kill yourself. Are there that many activities that I like to do that are so wild and crazy that they can truly stand out on a dating app. Like, of the things I like to do are drink coffee in the morning.

Then don't talk Sometimes about

I like to barbecue. Like, these aren't radically interesting things, but they do make up a large part of my life.

Barbering coffee that are going to be dispositive.

Okay, I'm listening. Keep going.

So the point is in either direction, positive or negative, they're not gonna be the criteria. Even though they're a part of your life, they're not gonna be the part of your life on which you're gonna filter for the right woman. So it's like every woman will barbecue with you. No, that's not gonna be a deal breaker for fucking anybody, so why bring it up? It's like, it doesn't matter.

It's a part of your life that, sure, it's a part of your life, but getting haircuts is a part of my life. I'm not gonna bring up my dating profile, it doesn't matter.

So then I think maybe with me, maybe with someone else, you should live construct a dating profile and talk someone through it. We haven't had any guests on the pod, but

Yeah, we certainly we could. Well, the also, you don't the things in your dating profile don't need to be what you do. Like, you know, you might say, like, I you might want to communicate something about, like, you own your own company. And you if you want to talk about something you do, be like, yes, I am very committed to building my own thing and I work a lot because of that and

This girl's got dead eyes.

Yeah. Swipe left. I don't need to see her.

Speaks French, lived in four countries, had a chinchilla, two truths in a lie. It's the most boring two truths in a lie I've ever heard in my entire life.

And if she ate the chinchilla, that would start to

I'm get so boring by this girl. Let's look at Wesley's profile.

Yeah. Let's look at my profile.

That's pretty good. Bet Wesley's I bet Wesley's profile is quite optimized.

It's so optimized. You wouldn't believe it.

Alright. Let's look. I see a skeleton motor, and that's it.

That's good.

That's all you gotta do, man. Just don't be offensive. Optimally inoffensive.

Nice, well

So setting aside photos, of course, let's look at Wes's. Wes thirty two, co founder at Keeper AI. See, this is interesting. You actually name Keeper. So you name Keeper, you're not worried about backlash like somebody some girl No,

they like it, they think it's interesting. It's a conversation starter. They're always like, why are you using this and not your app?

Yeah. No, I don't mean for that. I mean, like, if the date goes wrong, she's gonna like go find like, she might trash keep like go on Twitter and talk about talk shit about you and then keep her

Yeah, you guys have already talked shit about you. Honorably on dates.

Yeah. I mean, me too, and yet they slug us out. Anyway, you said my bio, I am not here for market research.

Because that's the thing they always ask. They're like, why don't you use your dating app?

Yeah. But you don't I mean, the issue with that is that for that line to work, they have to understand that Keeper AI is a dating app.

Yeah, but it creates intrigue.

Sure. I'm looking for a long term relationship marriage, a review by a friend. Wes is generally pleasant to be around and a fairly easy guy to get along with. Okay. That's fine.

My favorite quality in a person is banter. I'm hoping you just say hi and let me ask you out.

That's that's the best one. Why? Because women because this is Bumble where women feel weird going first.

Mhmm.

So it's giving them don't know what to say to message you first. Yeah. So I'm saying, all you have to say is hi and I will ask you out. Right? It's saying, no, I will still play the role that I'm supposed to play on this app where you feel uncomfortable playing this

pretty clever. I think that's good angle. Okay. I mean, I don't know. I write this okay.

I mean, you have great profile, you have great photos, obviously. Yeah. I like the one where you're like driving Yeah. On the computer.

I'm pointing at Slack.

Real men point at Slack.

Yeah. I don't know. Like I I do think

I'm not saying much about myself.

Yeah. Like this one, Wes is generally pleasant to be around and a fairly easy guy to get along with like that's doing nothing right.

The the point so the basically the point of all of those is to just give them an entry point It's to be like because I will get a lot of comments on that when they'll be like, wow, those are rave reviews. Right? Or something like that. Right?

It's just to give them an entry point.

Because like, really my photos are doing all the work. Right? Like, I'm not I'm not gonna be able to communicate that I'm like, you know, whatever. Mean, in my opinion on the dating app profile is like, okay, what am I going to say? Like, I fucking love NASCAR.

Right? Like like like, what am I going to say about myself that's going to be interesting to these women or like is going to serve as a filtering mechanism for me at all. Like, I'm doing that myself. Right? I'm trying to do that in the first three messages of our conversation.

And the thing that I'm filtering for is like, are you like stuck up? Or like, are you like, is there a stick up your ass?

What do you say in the first three messages?

You think

it goes Usually, just I make stupid joke. So lately, what I've been saying is, did you hear what happened on New Year's Eve? And they'll say, no. What happened? And I'll say, the ball at Times Square fell off the side of the building and was rolling around and destroyed half the city.

Right? And it had that one hasn't been working.

But like That sounded awful. I would swipe left at that moment. I was like, millions are dead,

you know. Wes is trying to optimize for a girl with no sense of humor?

No. I'm just trying to optimize for like someone who's like, you know, kind of like because I just go in there, I'm I'm just speaking off the cuff at all times and that's how I like to live my life. And so like the best relationship I've been in I wish I could get her back. No. I'm just kidding.

But the best relationship I've been in is was one where we could, like we're making fun of each other. Right? It was very, like it was like I had a relationship with, like, one of my boys. Right? And I got relationship with my uncle's been married for almost seventy years literally.

And well, no, I guess not. I guess it's sixty years. But and he said to me, he's like, Wesley, I don't know how you can be with someone that you can't make fun of because it's hilarious to be around them all each other because they're just like always giving each other shit. And it's like, I think you reach a point relationship where, like, you have to be very, very comfortable with each other. Right?

And you have to have I'm almost optimizing for humor a little bit, but like, we hate this phrase, de verve, but it's like, in as much as you can optimize for someone who, like, appreciates levity. Right? Like, that is in my opinion on the app, you can optimize for one thing and one thing at most.

I don't hate Jeu de Viebre. I hate Jeu Viebre.

Jeu de Like, as much as, like it's like, what is the one thing? If I'm going to choose one thing, like, I just want to be very silly. Because most of what I do in interpersonal conversations being like, you know, stuff like that. Right? Like, you know.

Yeah. I totally agree with that. Why not try to front load that more? Yeah. Like, use that slot to try to be more silly.

That's what I do.

You say you do that over conversation, it's not in your profile.

No, isn't my profile. That's what my profile is. It's just like goofiness. Like, it's just silly.

What are talking about? I don't see that anywhere. Well,

hinge profile is better, because on my hinge profile, there's a voice note and women love the sound of my voice.

Okay.

So what I do with my hinge profiles, I'm like it's like the prompt is like, what's a great impression you do? And I'm like, I do really good impressions of certain cartoon characters like Patrick from SpongeBob and Peter from Family Guy. I'm really good at those two. I'm not gonna do them here because that would be ridiculous and embarrassing. But just imagine in your head, it's really good.

Right? Sure. Because then it's funny and it's like, I've gotten dates. I mean, I don't wanna say I've gotten dates just because of that line. But like it creates this anticipation because that would be embarrassing if I actually did do an impression of fucking Peter Griffin on the on the Hinge app.

It would be stupid. And so it like creates this anticipation like, oh, no, he's not going to and then I don't. So it creates this unresolved tension that makes them want to talk to me. Sure.

Yeah. Sure.

But I'm also extremely attractive, so I

can, like, you know, I don't, you know. Yeah. Mean, so that I mean

I'm choosing them.

And so far as we're critiquing profiles, mean, that's what I would say, is like use one of those slots to do exactly that. Like, there's no there's almost no humor in your Bumble profile, so why not why not bring some silliness to the fore and and scream for that earlier?

Yeah. That's not a bad idea. And so this is the second episode in a row where we've talked about me, So let's talk about Stoney. Stoney.

I'm always Stoney, what

was it like dating in the Eisenhower administration?

You had a lot more lead in the fumes. So, you know, they would they would start to get lightheaded on a long car drive. Very effective.

Yeah. The hottest thing about a girl is that she wasn't in an iron lung.

Well, this podcast will come out in like

what is it? Now, it's it's We should never say the date we recorded in podcast, lest we like, wow, it took them a whole month to actually release it.

Today is 08/17/2026.

It's judgment day and it'll be there. What did Sarah Connor used to say?

From Terminator? Yeah. I don't know. I never saw that movie.

She would wow. You've never seen Terminator.

I mean, I saw it when I was a child.

Okay. Yeah. It's it's got legs. I'd say it's worth rewatching.

That's one of the movies where it gets better. They say the sequels are actually better than the original.

I think you you can definitely say that about Aliens. And I think you can come close to saying that about Terminator two, but I still think Terminator one had just this this beautiful, almost naive energy about it.

Naive how?

It didn't know it was going to turn into a franchise. A little bit how Darth Vader wasn't the central character of the initial Star Wars trilogies, but as it turns out, the people gravitated towards him, he became more and more central.

Yeah. Are we talking about Star Wars?

Wait, what?

Yeah. Is I don't know. This is the Star Wars hour.

I just came back.

Yeah. It worked so the in the original Star Wars movie, it wasn't meant to be a saga. And so Darth Vader wasn't like the main character. He was just like a a guy.

I think Star Wars was always meant to be a saga.

It it was meant to be a saga, but Darth Vader didn't have as prominent a role, and you can see that in the throne room scene where they're kind of insulting him, and the the generals are looking at him as some, you know, Jedi mystic who they don't respect.

But then he chokes the guy and that's the scene.

But that also surprises them.

You're not talking

about the

throne room scene, talking about the War Council room scene.

Sorry, thank you.

Where Tarkin comes in, and Tarkin is the only guy who kind of like can say Vader and not for whatever. Yes. The whole point of that is precisely to do the opposite of what you're talking about, which is to say that to show that Vader has this power that earns that forces his respect even for people to respect him even when they don't

But they had to establish that.

And that's that's the point. No one would have dared say that to Vader in later movies. They had to establish it for the audience, but therefore it means that the the in that universe, he was not as powerful as a figure at that moment.

You know, I think I think the read on that is that the point is that they're trying to show how much the like, you know, I mean, presumably the Star Wars universe is like very big, so like you don't most of the time, like you don't interact with Vader, even if you're like a high ranking person in the Empire. And so I think the point of that is to show that the Sith and Jedi, the Jedi are so thoroughly extinct. A big part of the first episode, you know, the first episode, which obviously later becomes episode four, is how much just in like twenty the twenty years since episode three, like the Jedi have been completely eradicated, and they're like a thing of distant memory. Right? That's like one of the whole points.

It's like that's the whole thing with Obi Wan and Luke, and like they have to like rediscover like the Force and rediscover the Jedi ways. So that's the point of that scene, is that like it's the converse of Obi Wan showing Luke the lightsaber. It's the like it's the it's the like, you know, the Jedi are extinguished, and we have to rediscover their ways. And even within the Empire, they also have forgotten how powerful the Jedi and the Sith were, and so they have to be, you know, even if they, you know, the way I interpret that scene is like, it's like this is an officer who's trying to establish their own, they're trying to show off a little bit for like, look, I don't I don't, you know, all the I've heard the legends about Vader, but I don't believe them. I've never met the guy.

He's just a guy in a suit.

So you're highlighting that the the lack of respect was not because the character wasn't central, but because the reemergence of the Jedi was central, and therefore you need people to not know about them and to be educated harshly.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like I mean, point of the scene is precisely to show that if you for a minute forget how powerful Vader is, you will be reminded, because that's how dominant Vader is, like, lest you be, you know, lest you be an idiot who forgets that.

By the way, that scene is where the name breadwinner comes from. Really? If you I'll show you guys this later, but there's a YouTube clip called Vader Sessions where they take James Earl Jones' voice from different movies and overdub it into clips of Star Wars. So it's always James Earl Jones as the voice of Darth Vader, but saying completely off topic things that kind of fit a little bit.

That's funny.

And in it he says, let me tell you something about the being the daddy. The daddy's got to be the breadwinner or something like that.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And it was from that line that I picked the word breadwinner.

That's awesome. That's a good origin.

What was Darth Vader's job? I don't understand. I never because he's just he's just around.

He's kind of the chief of staff of the emperor, I think.

That's a

good way of putting it.

Do think he had good administrative skills?

No. He didn't

need good administrative just to kill people who didn't have good good operation skills, and eventually the organization's Yeah. Average operation skills would get

No, I mean, as a as a Star Wars fanatic and somebody who read, I think in sixth grade, I don't think this is an exaggeration, I had consumed probably 90% plus of all all existing Star Wars media at the time of all kinds. Books, games, movies, comic books, 90% of it I consumed.

That's crazy. And yet There's so many books. Yeah.

You do not like Red Letter Media's reviews.

I hate his voice.

No. I think Red Letter Media reviews are a spiritual front on art itself. They're one of the worst cultural products of the two thousands and they've done irreparable damage to the to the mythos that binds the Western civilization together. Wow. They are I there are few things in life that I have a lower opinion of.

If you had paid me to come up with the worst insult I possibly could, I could have not even come anywhere near that.

Yeah. Why? Because they so are they they are so deeply misaligned with the values that are that undergird art, real art in my opinion. Like they they misperceive they make the same error that many critics make, which is to perceive art as an arena of sort of competition for status zeitgeist dominance or something like this, by appealing to sort of the aesthetic considerations of the moment, rather than to take risks and make an attempt at something transcendent. And they are participants in this sort of irony culture of no, not only is that not the point of art, it's to be mocked.

The genuine attempts at the transcendental are to be mocked. That is the sort of philosophy that undergirds that entire thing. Obviously they don't say that explicitly.

It looks like anything can be deconstructed.

Right. It's like they it's so it's this smarmy, superior, I'm the critic, and because I can identify sort of aesthetic or superficial flaws in your attempt at the transcendental, it is a status failure, and you know, it's like the holes they poke are so they so miss the forest for the trees, and they do it cynically. It's not like they I mean, one, they're just dumb and they're just bad at understanding things, but the worst thing behind all of it is not that like some of their critiques aren't valid, because some of them are. The Star Wars prequels are obviously flawed, but they it's coming from a deeply cynical place, and that's the problem, and they won so many hearts and minds with that. That's the impact that had the influence in the culture was massive.

So I disagree with that completely, and what I would say is for the the second round, the Jar Jar Binks sequels, as I would call them, did not leave us a single character to either love or hate. And they could have never been made.

That's true.

So what Jar Jar Binks esque of of that sequel, who do you love or who do you hate? Do you

Of the prequel trilogy? Yeah. Like, I look at Obi Wan and I see like a honorable and flawed man who did his best, but couldn't see what was happening in front of him.

But that was already

established And that by just failing.

By the earlier, by four or five six.

Yeah. It wasn't really.

No, it wasn't?

That was a I

see Anakin is someone who's corrupted by the the bad things that happened around him and is in in in in, you know.

I'm saying you you had three movies of which to introduce new characters. Now refining an existing character that people already have a relationship with and fleshing out their storyline isn't that hard. But to do anything with the new characters, Padme, Qui Gon, What Jar Jar? What new character

Qui Gon has a Qui Gon has an arc.

Yeah. Has an arc, but what I said was does anyone love or hate him? No one barely even remembers him. What is a single line Qui Gon said?

Wait. Qui Gon was originally supposed to not come in till, like, the end of the movie. The Qui Gon character in Qui Gon Qui Gon and Obi Wan were originally supposed to be the same character. It was all supposed to be Obi Wan. And Qui Gon was supposed to be this character that comes in at the end, but then they realized that by killing off Qui Gon at the end, it doesn't mean anything, so they needed they brought him back to the beginning of the movie.

And they just didn't didn't give him any dialogue for that whole thing.

He's a lot are you kidding? Qui Gon is like the main character of episode one. No dialogue, he's all over that movie.

I'm I'm being slightly sarcastic, but what I mean is there was what memorable dialogue was there?

He's I said, I will train the boy myself.

I mean, I I I will grant you that George Lucas is not a gift a lot gifted dialogue writer. There's not a lot of like super quippy iconic lines in the prequels, but I think Qui Gon is well established as like well established in the sense that like, I certainly understand who that character is. He's not a blank canvas. He he is a defined character with beliefs and and like hard edges.

I don't know if I could really define any of Qui Gon's beliefs.

Maybe you could. Many ways, he is a representation of like the what he's the role he's supposed to play is that he is a representation of what the Jedi are supposed to be in some sense.

Which I would disagree with, because he he tricked Watto through through rolling the dice. So why would he why would he trick someone in a dice game if he's a representation of the Jedi?

Yeah, it's a good point. I don't what I what I really meant by that is not that he's like without flaws, but his flaw there of course is like believing that the ends justify the means, he because he believes so much in this like prophecy or whatever. What I really meant though is just that like part of the theme of the prequels is that the Jedi Order has become sort of stultified and bureaucratic to a certain degree, as with the entire governmental system of the Old Republic. And Qui Gon is somebody who has personal sort of values and beliefs that are pre institution they're not institutionalized, they're with his personal relationship with the Force. That's why Obi Wan is constantly going like, why can't you just throughout that whole movie, he's saying why can't you just follow the rules of the Council, listen to the Council, just play by the rules, color inside the lines.

And Qui Gon is saying, I believe what I believe, I have to follow my heart. This is what I think is right. And he's sort of like old school in some sense, where he's just like, I have a personal relationship with the Force, and he sort of there's a certain amount of naivety to his beliefs, like that he's just willing to give faith like this random prophecy, but his and that is his tragic flaw, which is that like he's sort of insufficiently critical, but his his Hamarsha is that he's insufficiently critical, but that his greatest his greatest what's the opposite of a tragic fall, like his most his greatest virtue is that he's willing to die for his beliefs, like he'll double down.

And and red letter media said what they should have done is largely flip those two characters. It should have been Obi Wan who was struggling to stay within the lines and Qui Gon who was counseling him as the older more traditional sage to to obey the the dictates of the council.

But then he's just Anakin. Then Obi Wan and Anakin are the same person.

No, because well, yeah, that but also yeah, I mean, look, you could there are many ways you could have done it, and again, I think they made my biggest critique of red letter media is that it came it was motivated from the wrong place. So I don't disagree with every individual point they made. I think they made some points that are valid. It's that I think the larger attitude and perspective from which they and philosophy from which they make their critique and draw their points is fundamentally fucked up. You know, that's, sure, I could see that working.

But again, you know, I think the rationale there, the steel man of prequels, or the steel man like Lucas, is that, you know, Obi Wan has a line in the original trilogy where he says, you know, I thought I could train Anakin as well as Yoda, and I was wrong. If you make that his starting point in the prequels, then he has no arc. The point is that he starts sort of just being a good little boy who just wants to follow the rules, and then he is inspired by seeing Qui Gon commit so hard to what he believes in and being willing to break the rules, and Qui Gon makes him swear on his dying body or whatever that like you'll live more like me, basically, and then he has to sort of like his sort of tragic arc is that like he he did have the sort of right perspective when he was young, and then trying to live up to quite the promise he made to Qui Gon was what sort of took him down the wrong path, and then he has to like come back around full circle. So at least gives him some kind of arc.

I think I could say that.

And Wado is there to treat you to teach you that foreigners are not to be trusted.

We are way I gotta go. Yeah. We gotta gotta wrap.

So if you're dating, I think the takeaway is that Listen, if

you have a good prequel take, put that on your profile. Yeah. Because you'll get any guy. If you can if that'll impress any man, if you're a woman who has a good take on the prequels.

Yep.